Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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