i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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