shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
