Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
