I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
