I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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