Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
