so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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