There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
