I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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