I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
