I'll bet she douches with gravy.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
