They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
