Fine. I'll sleep in my office
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Two words: nipple clamps
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