Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
