i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
