I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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