My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
