shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
