i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
