i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
