at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
