so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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