Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
