Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
