when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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