idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
