I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
