Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
