i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
