Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
