I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
