You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
