Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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