Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
