Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
