He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
