dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
