He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
