So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize