You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
