why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
