So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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