and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
