As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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