I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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