I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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