He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
