so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
please don't ironically join a cult
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