"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
