i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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