Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
