At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
