Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
