Got a toothbrush?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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