How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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