3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize