I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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