Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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