she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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