Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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