I have demons in me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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