So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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