You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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