Too much gin, very little bucket
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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