the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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