trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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