Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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