My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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