call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
